Your Drug or Your Family ?

The National Institute on Drug Abuse recognizes that addiction is a complex but treatable disease that affects brain function and behavior. One of the symptoms is an uncontrollable desire to abuse drugs. Addiction is a progressive illness; with continued drug abuse, the drive to get high will get worse. The goal of treatment is total abstinence. When drug addicts try to go without drugs, withdrawal symptoms are so overwhelming it seems as though using is the only way to get relief. This is addiction. Most addicts need help to change. Addiction is a family disease, affecting the addict and the addict's relationships. Families also need help to recover.
Obsession

People who are really close to the addict suffer the most. Caring leads to preoccupation with and reactions to another person's behavior. Seeing that drug abuse is out of control, family members naturally take steps to try and control it. Embarrassing public scenes and private pleas fall on deaf ears. Searching the house, hiding money and keys, and listening to phone conversations are signs that family members have become obsessed with what the addict is doing or not doing. Parents, children and spouses often feel they should be able to help their loved one solve this problem. When nothing works, family members may blame themselves and feel the guilt and the fears associated with addiction.



Anger

Eventually, the addict's behavior makes people angry. Family members begin to realize that the addict is using them, telling lies, and not taking care of responsibilities. It seems as though the addict does not love anyone but themselves. Family members may want to strike back, punish and make the addict pay for all the pain and humiliation caused by drug addiction. Resentment builds, further damaging relationships.
Denial

When families do not know what to do, they may believe in the addict's promises, have unrealistic expectations whenever a brief period without drug abuse occurs, and build a pretense that nothing is wrong. Children learn not to talk about the addict's behavior, not to see what is going on, and to deny the guilt, shame and fear they feel. When it comes time to start their own families, children of addicts will be attracted to similar situations, forming the basis for continued dysfunction. Family members also take on rolls in an effort to find solutions: the hero excels and makes the family look good, the scapegoat acts out and takes the blame for the family's problems, the quiet child sacrifices her own needs for family harmony, and the mascot distracts and entertains to cheer everyone up. Perhaps the worst damage to children and other family members is a belief that they are somehow at fault and in some way responsible for the addict's behavior.